Photo Wedding Invitations, High School Announcements, Envelope Addressing

I am often asked how to include a deceased parent on the invitation wording.  This is a sensitive subject for many brides and grooms and needs to be handled with care.

My direct answer may seem insensitive but it remains the same.  The deceased parent should not be named on the invitation.  There will be a time and place at the ceremony to acknowledge the parent who will not be there.  Flowers, a poem and/or acknowledgement on the wedding program is the appropriate place.  A wedding is a joyous occasion and injecting the words “daughter of or son of the late. .  .” brings a sadness to the message.  A deceased parent is also not able to request the honour of one’s presence.  This question is a particularly difficult one if the death was recent but I still feel confident that everyone wants to keep the event joyous beginning with the invitation which always sets the tone of the event.

An interesting conversation came up this week with a bride regarding her fiancé’s title and the wording on her wedding invitation.  She came to me with wording for her invitation and a dilemma regarding her fiancé whom we shall call John A. Smith II.  I asked if he was named after his grandfather and she said no.  He was named after his father. Then I said he should be a junior and not a II.  She told me that he has gone as a II all his life at his mother’s direction.  His father has been deceased for some time.  Long story short, on the invitation he will be II.  Although it is incorrect, sometimes you must make decisions in wording that keep the peace within the new family.  A wise and tactful bride!

So the question remains – When do you use Jr. and when do you use II?

The proper use of the suffix II is used when the child has an identical name to a relative, but the relative is not the child’s father. The relative could be an uncle, cousin, or grandfather.   The suffix Jr. is used when the child is named after his father unless his father is a II.  Then the child would be III.

Don’t be surprised if you meet someone who misuses these titles like this groom does.  The misuse is very common.  But remember, etiquette is a code of behavior that teaches us to be mindful of other’s feelings so be careful when expounding on your newly found knowledge!